Monthly Archives: April 2012

rice pasta with lemon cream sauce

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“Rice pasta? Whut in tarnation…”

I honestly don’t think my readers are a bunch of dopes who have no idea what’s going on in the foodie food world, but I have this little, old, grumpy, country man in my head that pops up every time I do something slightly different from the norm. Rice pasta, for example. Most pasta is made from wheat, be it white flour or whole wheat flour. So, sometimes when I cook with rice pasta I can picture the old country man mumble things under his breath, usually starting with either, “Whut the…” or “In my day…” or “…aggervatin’ youngin’…”

I know, I’m crazy. Let’s forget about the grumpy Southerner. Let’s talk about that rice pasta. Pasta can be made with lottttttts of different ingredients: semolina, spelt, corn, rice, quinoa, etc., etc. What you buy and cook all depends on your tastes and/or allergies. I love whole wheat pasta because of its rich nutrition, but, even after eating it for years and years, I still sometimes find it too heavy. Rice pasta, if cooked properly, seems a little lighter and less robust than the in-your-face, almost standoffishness of whole wheat. And it’s wonderful with any sauce you’d like. I could drink quarts and quarts of cream sauce by itself. Nine times out of ten, I will choose a cream-based sauce. I’m a calorie-lover like that.

rice pasta with lemon cream sauce
yield: 2 servings prep time: 10 minutes cook time: 15 minutes
ingredients
4 oz rice pasta (spaghetti or your choice)
1 tbsp olive oil
kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
5 oz frozen peas
3 tbsp unsalted butter
zest of 1 lemon, about 2 teaspoons
1 garlic clove, peeled and minced
8 oz heavy cream
1 cup grated Parmesan

create
To cook the pasta, fill a stock pot halfway with water and bring to a gentle boil. Add the olive oil and a generous amount of salt. Stir the pasta in and continue to stir until the water returns to a boil. Stir occasionally while cooking. Cook for just several minutes until the pasta is very al dente. You can read the package directions for specific cooking times. Just make sure to take it off earlier than you’re supposed to since it will cook slightly longer in the sauce (rice pasta can easily overcook, causing it to become mushy and gummy). Add the peas to a colander and drain the pasta over the top of them.
To make the sauce, melt the butter over medium-low heat in a large sauté pan. Stir in the lemon zest and garlic and let the butter get slightly bubbly. Slowly add the heavy cream and stir. Sprinkle salt and pepper to taste. Let simmer for several minutes until the cream has reduced and thickened slightly. Add the Parmesan and stir until melted.
Turn the drained pasta and peas into the sauce pan and use tongs to evenly coat the noodles with the sauce. Serve hot.


Rice pasta is probably mostly consumed by those with a gluten (a protein found in wheat, barley, and rye) intolerance. I tried to go gluten-free for a while. Fatigue is a symptom of a gluten allergy and my body was (and is? ahem) butt-tired all the time. I figured I’d give it a whirl. Nothing happened. Zip. One day, in the midst of my experiment, I saw a tender, buttery biscuit somewhere and was like, “…oh, heck no. Forget this.” I snapped my hips in its direction and that beautiful, gluten-filled, wheat flour flakiness was snatched and consumed right then and there. And nothing changed. Y’all. Let’s get real. We all know the reason I’m butt-tired all the time is because I go to sleep at 2:30 every night. Er, every morning. Er, I’m trying to get better.

peanut butter cupcakes with banana buttercream

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My husband despises bananas. Well, it’s not really that he doesn’t like the flavor. They just make him feel funny. Sometimes I chase him around the house with a banana peel shouting, “Ooo! Banana!” and fling it at his face just to see him squirm at the thought of his dreaded banana tinglies. Man, I’m mean. And just so you can picture the situation: our house is about two square feet. No, really, it’s like 550, so a chase in our house is more or less running around in circles.

Why, then, did I make miniature cakes with banana frosting? I happen to love bananas. Doesn’t that leave 12 cupcakes floating around our house with possibly only one consumer? Yes. Yes, it does. No, I didn’t plan it this way. I didn’t.

peanut butter cupcakes with banana buttercream
yield: about 12 regular cupcakes prep time: 30 minutes cook time: 20 minutes
ingredients
1/4 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/4 cups all natural cane sugar
1/3 cup  all natural peanut butter
2 eggs
1 3/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup buttermilk
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 ripe banana, mashed
1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
3 cups unrefined powdered sugar

create
Preheat the oven to 350º. In the bowl of a mixer fixed with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the peanut butter and eggs and mix until fully incorporated. Pour in the flour, baking powder, and salt. Mix until just combined. Finally, add the buttermilk and vanilla extract and mix on low until combined. Turn the mixer speed to medium and beat about two minutes.
Butter and flour a standard 12 count cupcake pan. Fill each space about halfway with batter. Bake for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the middle of a cupcake returns clean. Let cool for a few minutes in the pan and then run a knife along the edges to loosen the cakes. Transfer to a rack or plate to cool completely.
To make the buttercream, use a hand mixer to fully combine the mashed banana and butter in a large mixing bowl. Add the powdered sugar in stages, mixing well after each addition, until the desired consistency is met. It should be pliable, but firm enough to hold a peak.
Once the cupcakes are cooled completely, pipe the buttercream onto the cakes using a piping bag.

For the love of all things good, please please find a peanut butter that doesn’t contain a hydrogenated oil. Hydrogenated oils (oils pumped with hydrogen) are basically the ingredients slack, greedy companies use in place of butter. Calm down, self. Holy moly, I can get fired up. Calmly, these oils are not the natural fats our bodies need. They are molecularly changed. Our bodies don’t know what to do with them. They are, undramatically, poison. What’s wrong with a good ol’ plain peanut? Nothing, I tell you! Nothing!

Ay caramba. Someone get me a glass of water. I’m gonna wave these cupcakes around in front of my husband while he plays the original Grand Theft Auto pretending to ignore me. The two of us, owh, boy.

fizzy raspberry strawberry lemonade

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Y’all! Guess what? It’s time for strawberries in South Carolina! Of course, you can find them year-round, both conventional and organic, but you know what we say around these parts: local rules. And, by golly, pretty soon those berries are gonna be sproutin’ up all over the state. We’re not talkin’ a little-pink-mostly-white-sour berries. We’re talkin’ red, meaty, totally juicy berries that leave your forearms and tee shirts permanently tainted pink. And those berries, just like this sparkling, tart, cool drink, scream, “Make room for me on your picnic table. It’s cookout time.”

fizzy raspberry strawberry lemonade
yield: 8 servings prep time: 15 minutes
ingredients
1 1/2 cups freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 1/4 cups natural cane sugar
6 oz raspberries
16 oz strawberries, stems removed
1 25.3 oz bottle sparkling mineral water

create
In a bowl, combine the lemon juice and sugar. Mix until the sugar is completely dissolved. Set aside.
Using a blender, pulse the raspberries and strawberries together until completely smooth. Set a sieve over a large mixing bowl. Pour the berry mixture into the sieve and scrape and mash with a rubber spatula until most of the liquid has separated itself into the bowl. It will take several minutes. Discard the seedy remains.
In a pitcher, combine the lemon juice mixture, berry juice, and sparkling water. Stir to combine. Serve over ice.

Enjoy this while the grill is burning, while people are surrounding, while you’re fighting the inevitable skeeters, and while you’re relaxing at dusk into the nighttime.

I’ll leave you with this amateur, yet appropriate, joke to feed your current inner sillies:

What do you call strawberries in five o’clock traffic?
Strawberry jam.

Oh man.

masters chicken salad

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In my best Jim Nantz voice,

“A tradition unlike any other…the Masters on CBS.”

Ahem. I wouldn’t really consider myself a golf person. I did once, however, par a hole on a par three course and, at that moment, expected bands to come marching out of the trees next to the green and the clubhouse attendees to run out with sashes and embroider a patch on my collared shirt that said, “Winner.”

I am, though, in actuality, rather bad at the sport and still can’t figure out how real golfers hit the ball from the tee on the first stroke. I use baseball rules and give myself three strikes. It’s after that when the grass suffers the blows from my club. I’m still convinced that my body can not physically torque itself to keep my arms straight, head down, and, all the while, keep my eyes on that one-inch-across white speck they call a ball.

Although I wouldn’t consider myself a golf person based on the fact that I simply can’t play, I do enjoy keeping up with the professionals and watching tournaments with my husband. And for golf nerds like him, this time of year is prime. Augusta National is saturated with the best and their fans, who most likely have been holding onto those golden tickets for the past few months tighter than their own children. The birds are chirping (I think those sounds are fake, by the way. Too perfect. Too, too perfect). The azaleas are (usually) blooming. And, surprisingly, people are paying nickels and dimes for sandwiches and drinks. Oh, yes. Their refreshments are dirt cheap. What they hey, right? It’s cool, though, and I think they’re just trying to keep some traditions alive. It’s mostly simple sandwiches, like tuna salad and pimiento cheese and things that are easy to walk around and eat in the sun.

I’ve never been to the Masters (podunk me, right), but I’m assuming that chicken salad there is probably two things: chicken. And mayonnaise. And I bet egg salad is egg. And mayonnaise. And that’s cool, that’s cool, but I wanted to spruce this (still simple) salad up. They also serve the sandwiches on plain white bread and…y’all. I just…can’t…tell you to eat plain white bread. The whole food fairy would come beat me up in my sleep tonight. So, just pick up some whole wheat and pretend.

masters chicken salad
yield: 4 cups prep time: 15 minutes cook time: 40 minutes
ingredients
2 chicken breasts, bone in and skin on
2 tbsp olive oil
kosher salt
freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup diced onion
1 celery stalk, diced
1 apple, peeled, cored, and diced
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 tbsp yellow mustard
dash hot sauce
1 tsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/4 cup chopped parsley

create
To cook the chicken, preheat the oven to 350º. Place the chicken, breast side up, on a baking sheet and coat evenly with the olive oil. Sprinkle liberally with salt and pepper and roast in the oven for 40 minutes or until the internal temperature reaches 165º. After the chicken is cool enough to handle, remove the skin and tear the meat from the bones. Finely chop the chicken.
In a large bowl, add the chopped chicken, onion, celery, apple, mayonnaise, mustard, hot sauce, lemon juice, and parsley. Mix well until the ingredients are evenly distributed. Taste and add salt and pepper, if desired.

My husband and I actually stood at the edge of the green as Rory McIlroy snagged his first PGA win in Charlotte, NC. He was basically a baby and we cheered with the crowd as we watched him beat Phil and all the other old guys. But…I’m not gonna tell you who I’m rootin’ for. Wink.

Masters fans: Enjoy the weekend. Don’t get stressed. Eat a sandwich. Congratulate the winner. Swing a golf club. Have fun.

And to Masters fans and everyone else: Happy Resurrection Day Eve!